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This is a Poem I wrote dedicated to my son Eli-sha. He died 3 years ago at just 3 1/2 years old. Just wanted to share it because few words can express the deapth of pain but this is something that made sense to me. I hate this journey.
I feel defeated. I feel lost.
Life has altered at great cost.
And to navigate this sea,
Is taking breath away from me.
I see the lighthouse far away,
Shining bright to save the day.
But these waves keep crashing down,
Will I reach it? Will I drown?
Pray that light keep shining brighter,
Pray I reach it, pray You help.
For they say hope is an anchor,
But right now it’s barely felt.
Oh to hold you, oh to hear you,
Oh to just observe you play.
Will it happen? Will it happen?
Will I really see that day?
To lose the anchor is to give,
All the sea can take away.
Keep it must, I keep it must
To have a reason for today.
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My heart aches to read some of these latest words of suffering Mums for their beautiful children. I too am a bereaved mother 13 years on after the loss of my only child beautiful daughter Ashlea Laura Fox in a car accident out with friends on the early hours of Xmas Eve morning. The unimaginable loss, sadness, anger, loss of any joy or hope in a future without my girl was just so intense and has been for many many years. After going through a difficult marriage (not her father) we have finally separated in the past 2 years. It has been a journey of self discovery and personal growth which is still on going but too all those new parents that are now apart of this group, it will get easier, the pain will get less and you will smile again. Don't rush it take all the time you need be it years to deal and learn to live with this ongoing grief.
I came on this site again to ask the more advanced parents on this journey about how to reply when new people ask if you have any children. It break me in two every time this happens and I am moving on to a new country town to start a new and better life with myself. I find if I answer yes and then explain about Ash it still puts people off and I need to make new friends in this new town. They see you as broken and don't seem to want to get to know you. Maybe if I just say no until I have formed new friends and when I feel good about them I can open up. I feel bad when I have said no a few times like I am not honouring Ashlea and her life. She was on this earth for nearly 18 years and I love her with every fibre of my being heart and soul. Miss her like crazy, I am all alone now just me and my sweet dog Marley. xxx
My 7 yo daughter, Lily, died on 30th August. She had a brain tumour that was removed but developed pneumonia which ultimately claimed her life. Nearly 4 weeks on and I'm not coping. Lily was the light of our lives and the reason for everything that matters. I'm so broken and fearful of having to live without her. I feel robbed.. it's so unfair. She was a beautiful little girl with the most beautiful heart. How do I ever find joy again? It feels worthless.
Hi, I am so very sorry to hear of the recent losses of your precious child. My heart goes out to all of you and I send you all huge hugs. I lost my daughter almost ten years ago now, hard to believe really so I have an insight into what others are going through and how much this all hurts. Life is so cruel and this by far is the worst loss of all. It has been the hardest thing to do in life, that is to live with the loss of a child... where the outside world is concerned I feel they don't understand the depth of pain and grief and they are not comfortable with us... they just don't know what to say or do or they say the wrong thing and that upsets us (in my experience) ... so we become isolated ... I found the TCF phone line so helpful in my time of need there was always someone I could talk to ... and reading here to have that mutual support made me feel so less alone take care everyone Jacqueline bereaved Mum of Madeleine xxx ... what others are so sadly experiencing in those early years of this dreadful grief journey I can resonate with and is all quite normal xxx
Dear Lisa, My poor dear girl. I feel for you and hope that you are finding your way through this mire of sorrow. Only one thing Lisa ... even though you carry Shawn's loss forever, believe it or not you will smile again. With TCF love and continuing care. Whenever you wish we are here for you XJD
Hi Robin, THANKYOU for your support for TCF and for your support of your family. Go Taylor ... with love JD
Dear Yoseph, I am thinking of you and your sweet innocent little boy. I trust you feel his presence nearby. X JD
Hello Rhonda, I hope others read you entry here. I am so sad to hear of the tragic loss of your James. So recent yet Rhonda so wise. I think you sound caring in the face of your own troubles and that makes you special .. and strong. Good times and bad, dreadful ups and downs as you know are all part of this dreadful journey towards some sort of normality. Stay on the track and make James proud of you. I hope all readers know that TCF Vic is always there for us. It is just a matter of a phone call. Thankyou Rhonda
Oh Rachael, You precious Callum is alive and well in your heart. He was greatly loved, as only a mother can love. All you say about lack of suitable response is unfortunately common and so many others, will relate to you. We have enough to contend with. It seems that this lack of response from (many) others you know and surely will meet in the future can seem thoughtless, even cruel. A small kind word or gesture goes a long way to improving the day. TCF are doing all they can to educate the community about how to react to us with empathy. Yes, even those who work in the caring services have much to learn. Somehow it comes back to us ...the bereaved, to understand their poor response to our needs. Not easy when your heart is broken. However Rachael, I feel it best not to dwell on this too much if you can and try not to be hurt as this adds to the many stresses we contend with. Callum is remembered 0f course but the words are just too difficult. A very sad fact is that often people believe that you may be more upset if he is spoken of.
I know you long to speak of Callum - evento hear his name spoken. Perhaps, when you are able, you can "lightheartedly" or "casually" bring him into the conversation. This seems to give those present an open invitation to react more openly. With sincere care X JD